3 Questions to Ask as You Set Goals for 2023
We’re almost one week into 2023! 🎉
Last week we talked annual reviews and this week, we’re looking ahead. Have you done any planning yet?
Everyone’s got a method for goal-setting, planning, and setting resolutions. There are 12 step plans, frameworks, journals, and more for you to follow.
“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”
Hans Hofman
What if you scrapped all of the complicated systems and simply had a conversation with yourself? When was the last time you had a conversation with yourself? As I’ve been doing Keep Asking over the last several years, these conversations have become valuable as a way of generating answers but more importantly as a way for me to develop a deeper understanding and relationship with myself.
I’m going to share a three-question conversation you can have with yourself based on James Clear’s book Atomic Habits. (If you haven’t read Atomic Habits yet, stop reading this and start reading that 😉)
“1. Decide the type of person you want to be.
2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.
James Clear
Answer the three questions below and then act on your answers and when we revisit this in December you’ll have some goals that you’ve hit and more importantly you’ll be proud of who you’re becoming.
Who do you want to become?
What do those types of people do?
What wins will help you become this type of person?
Let’s explore each question below:
Who do you want to become?
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
This is one of the most important questions you can ask yourself. It’s like determining your own personal collection of north stars. It’s not an exact road map that will tell you everything that will happen and it’s not a collection of meaningless SMART goals to check off. These north stars simply give you a direction to move.
Becoming is a process, which means there is no age limit to begin because there is no finish line. You will spend your whole life engaged in the process of becoming.
Here’s who I want to become….
Connected
I enjoy meaningful connections with God, family, friends, and people in my sphere of influence.
Athletic
I take care of my body and give it the strain, rest, and nutrition it needs so that it will be able to do what I need it to do when I need it. I want to operate at a consistently high level physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Learner/Teacher
I am constantly learning and then repackaging that learning in ways that are helpful to myself and others.
Influential Communicator
I can effectively express myself in words, speech, and media
Generous
My default is a desire to share my time, talents, and means with those around me.
Disciplined
I do what I set out to do.
I’ve found it’s helpful to describe the words because these things may look different to different people. Clearly my definition of athletic will be different than a professional athlete 😂
What do those types of people do?
I want to be connected to my family. So what would someone who is connected to their family do?
They would remove distractions when they are trying to engage with family members
They would dedicate time to each family member
They would take an active interest in the interests of their family members
They would consistently ask questions in order to get to know each family member better
They celebrate others wins
"The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader. The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner."
James Clear
Spending time on this question will help you do several things:
You will build a visual image of the activities this type of person is engaged in and you can begin to visualize yourself engaged in these same activities
As you build out this image you may realize you aren’t actually interested in becoming someone who does these types of things. If this happens, listen to yourself! Give yourself permission to scratch this from the list and to prioritize who you really want to become.
What wins will help you become this person?
Ok, so now you have a clear idea of who you want to become and what that looks like to you. Now comes the part where most people start. What are the small wins you want to rack up this year that will prove to yourself you’re becoming the person you want? This is like setting goals but with way more focus because the goals are aligned with who you want to become.
"Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity."
James Clear
I said I want to be someone who is connected to my family.
I then said this type of person removes distractions when they are with people.
So what does a win look like?
I will plug my phone into my charger each night from the moment I get home until after the kids are in bed and Leah and I have had a chance to talk.
The more I do this the more I will be able to stay in the moment when I’m with my family which will open up opportunities to strengthen our connection with each other.
One of the things I’ve found exciting about this approach is that every single win matters and the focus isn’t on whether I read a certain number of books or lift a certain amount of weight. Those are just mile markers on a bigger journey—not the end destination.
Nothing to it but to do it
Well, now that you’ve read this, it’s time for you to have an important conversation—with yourself.
I’ve been seeing messages like this across IG and Facebook during this last week.
I get it. The past few years have brought a whole lotta crazy. But think back to the folks around during the stretch from 1900 to 1930. They had less technology to support them and they also battled a global pandemic, world war I, and the start of the great depression. This generation of people have been called the “greatest generation.” Why? Those events shaped them and were used to help them in their journey of becoming.
We’re no different. I have no clue how crazy 2023 will be. But I know that if you set your north star and you start moving ahead (however slowly and with however many detours) you will be able to come back here in December and feel proud about the progress you’ve made.
We were born to do hard things.
Keep Asking,
Kyle