8 questions to help you win this election season...

The US election season is in full swing!

And today, we’re talking victory.

I want you to win this election.

Not your candidate—I mean you, personally. What would it look like if this season often marked by division became a season of personal growth?

If you’re here hoping to talk Trump, Harris, or to just complain about the modern political landscape, you can head over to one of the many news outlets who will gladly take you on that journey.

I’m more interested in you personally. With the right questions, you can actually be the real winner during this election cycle. And, for those of you not in the US, these questions are just as applicable for your own season of political battles too.

I don’t know about you, but during election years, I’ve noticed something—everyone becomes very confident.

Friends, family, colleagues, and even my taxi drivers.

Opinions are spoken with such confidence that you might be tempted to think this person is a politician themself.

This isn’t a party phenomenon either. This seems to extend across every party. Over the last week, I’ve heard variations of these statements from folks I know and others across social media…

• “Kamala is the only…”

• “Trump will never be / Trump is always…”

• “What our country needs right now is…”

• “We’ll never survive as a country if….”

To help us navigate and win election season, I’ve compiled a few questions worth asking in the coming weeks that will open us up to diverse perspectives, help us preserve our relationships, and most importantly, keep us level-headed.

Oh, and asking these questions will actually make YOU the real winner this season.

Does the amount of attention you’re giving this match its importance?

There are some folks who are immersed in the news cycle. They know it all—every update, every possible shift in the landscape, and every possible interpretation of what’s happening.

And then there are the polar opposite folks who don’t even know who’s running for office.

Politics is important. Voting is important. Being informed is important.

But are they the most important?

This season, ask yourself this question periodically and do a quick time check—how much time have you spent thinking about all of this? And how much has stewing on it changed anything?

Why do you believe this?

You’re not going to want to hear this but you (and me) are more influenced by others than we want to admit.

During some of these political discussions the emotions run wild and I often wonder if people have actually unpacked why they’re so fired up in the first place.

I’ve convinced myself that my desire is independent and autonomous. I want to pursue something because it “just makes sense,” or it’s the right thing to do, or it’s what I “authentically” want or need to be happy.

(This all happens beneath my conscious awareness. Very few people question why they want the things they want at all.) This assumption that my desires are all my own—this story that I tell myself—is what the French social scientist René Girard calls “The Romantic Lie.” (Luke Burgis, Mimetic Desire 101)

If you knew this belief that you’re so fiercely defending largely originated from individuals in your life who modeled this desire first, would you be so attached to it?

How would you know if you’re wrong?

It’s possible you’re wrong.

It’s possible that Trump isn’t the worst thing to happen to America.

It’s possible that Harris won’t be the worst thing to happen to America.

But how would you know if this belief you’re holding sacred was actually wrong?

We choose the news we watch.

We choose the friends we invest time in.

We click “like” or comment on posts that tell the social algorithm to feed us more of the same.

We don’t want to admit it but we create our own echo chamber and then find these beliefs deepening (see mimetic desire 101 up above) till we see them as absolute truths.

This question will hopefully prompt you to build in some type of mechanism to invite the opposition into your life (physically or digitally). You need these opposing voices to help you clarify your thinking and potentially help you find truths outside your singular truth.

How can you make space for the contradictions?

This question is crucial.

The Republican, MAGA-hat wearing, white male standing in front of you might just also be an absolute defender of the LGBTQ community.

The liberal, woke, 20-something, transgender individual might also be all in on gun rights and small government.

You will never know these contradictions if you write someone off based on their easily identifiable stereotypes.

Think about your own life. You likely have some contradictions floating around in you. Do you want someone to focus wholly on the few pieces they see?

We have to realize that the people we think are “always this” or “never that” might sometimes be a whole lot more than we see. And, the thing I’ve found as I’ve made space for the contradictions in others is that I realize we actually have more in common than I thought. And then, I see them more like I see myself than as the surface-level stereotypes that are so easy to dismiss.

What can we agree on?

Speaking of having more in common—ask this question and you’ll find that you likely agree on more than you realize. And, what I’ve found especially as I do a lot of parent engagement work is that many of us agree on the really big things, the “destinations.”

We just often disagree about the right path to take on the journey.

As I find myself getting frustrated or upset, it almost always helps to remind myself that we’re trying to get to the same end goal.

What future would you like to see—and what steps are you taking today to make that future happen?

I’m all for thoughtful debates and theoretical discussions—talking about the way things should be is one part of the equation.

Unfortunately, what I’ve found in these conversations is that many of us (myself included) find it much easier to sit and point fingers, blame other parties, and talk about what’s wrong with our opponent and the state of the country than to do something about it.

What are you actually doing about the problem?

Are you complaining about supreme court decisions endlessly to your friends and family?

Have you written a letter, signed a petition, donated to a cause, joined a peaceful protest, started a nonprofit, or done anything at all beyond complaining?

It’s easy to talk and live in theory. Don’t be the person who commits with their lips but never moves their legs. If this is as important as you say it is, go do something about it.

How can you help improve the opposition?

At some point in your life, you’re going to lose.

Your candidate, political party, or platform will not be selected.

Now, what? Do you sit back and complain for the next four years? That’s easy.

What if you looked at the opposition and their proposals and said, “ok, we may not be doing it entirely the way I want to do it, but if we do it their way, we can do it a little better by changing this or that.”

Find ways to improve your opponents position, belief, or strategy.

Be a problem solver.

It’s easy to complain. We get a quick shot of dopamine that makes us feel like we’re doing something when in fact nothing has actually happened.

Think about how your mind and your ability to solve problems would improve if you began trying to improve your opponents strategy. In that moment, your mind sees things it never previously considered or believed to be possible.

Are you more interested in being right or preserving the relationship?

Sometimes these heated discussions happen with the people we care about most.

Family, friends, colleagues.

Healthy debate and discourse is crucial. It’s how we push each other to see things different.

But there is a moment in these discussions where things change.

You know exactly what I’m talking about.

You’ve felt it and seen it.

Physiologically, something changes. Your heart begins beating faster, your breath becomes short, you can sometimes feel the blood rushing to your neck and face. The tone and types of words change.

You have a very important decision to make in this moment. What is more important, trying to win this intellectual argument or having a relationship at its conclusion?

I’m not saying to give in or give up. I’m saying don’t let yourself transition from attacking ideas to attacking people.

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What would it look like if election season made us better people?

It can and it should.

What would it look like if our kids and students we work with saw election season as a period of growth and not division?

Don’t worry about asking all of these questions - just choose one! Find one that hits and then take a moment to unpack how you can do better.

Let me know if you’ve got another question you like to use in situations like these. And, if things just seem to be tough, you can always grab one of my questions from last week (3 questions to ask when things suck…) to help you make it through.

You got it!

See you back here next week!

Keep Asking,

Kyle