How can you benefit from your enemies?

Worthy rivals, the gifts of the enemy, and turning foes to friends...

Enemy.

Frenemy. 

Foe. 

Competition. 

Rival. 

Opposition. 

We all have them whether we like it or not. Sometimes they’re people or companies and other times they’re ideas or forces of nature. And more often than we want, we are our own enemy.

Centuries of war and conflict have taught us to associate enemies and evil. Rightfully so. These opposing forces can be the root of tremendous fear, pain, and suffering. 

But what if we add another layer of meaning onto these words. What if we looked at our enemies as teachers and coaches? What if they provided the necessary heat and hammering that we could use to refine our own weaknesses, to move from coal to diamond?

Instead of wishing our enemies were gone, we should ask, “how can you benefit from your enemies?

Gifts of the enemy

“Know how to use your enemies for your own profit. You must learn to grab a sword not by its blade, which would cut you, but by its handle, which allows you to defend yourself. The wise man profits more from his enemies than a fool from his friends.”

(Baltasar Graciàn)

Most people don’t seek out enemies. But when they place themselves in your path you better make the most of it. Here’s a few gifts the folks we love to hate can bring to our lives.

Motivation

• Maybe they push you to try harder, work later, or practice more. But there’s nothing like squaring off with someone to drum up some forward momentum in your quest for growth. Michael Jordan was known for turning every real or perceived enemy and their criticisms into fuel that drove him to work harder and compete more fiercely than anyone else on the court.

Measuring stick

• The best enemies are strong enemies. Strong foes give us a standard by which to judge ourselves. Japanese samurai would seek out combat with swordsmen they believed to be better because this was the only way to measure their own abilities. These worthy rivals who exist in a place that feels just out of reach are the perfect way to test our skills. You want these measuring sticks in your life.

Mobilization (for leaders)

• One of the greatest gifts a leader can receive is an easily defined common enemy. This may be a person, organization, idea, or some force of nature. We’ve seen this in history-altering moments as groups have united in an effort to defeat common enemies like the Nazi party, various diseases, poverty, and more. If you’re a leader, identify the enemy and rally your people to the cause.

Worthy Rivals

“A worthy rival is another player in the game worthy of comparison. They may be our sworn enemies, our sometimes collaborators, or our colleagues. We get to choose our own worthy rivals and we would be wise to select them strategically… We choose them to be our worthy rival because there is something about them that reveals to us our weaknesses and pushes us to constantly improve. [Worthy rivals] push us in a way few others can.” 

(Simon Sinek, The Infinite Game)

We may not seek out enemies but worthy rivals are worth seeking. These are the people who always seem one step ahead, whose successes are both worth admiring and envying. 

Simon Sinek tells a story about sharing a cab with an Apple executive after speaking at an event. Microsoft had just released their own mp3 player the Zune. Sinek told the exec that the Zune was significantly better than the iPod at that time. The Apple exec responded by saying, “I have no doubt.”

Apple released their first iPhone exactly one year later.

This is what happens when you enter the arena with other worthy rivals. One moment you’re on top and the next you are being challenged, which then spurs you on to greater growth.

From foe to friend

“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”

(Abraham Lincoln)

For several centuries in Chinese history, there was a fairly brutal leadership transition pattern observed. Striving generals would plot to kill a weak emperor. A strong general took the throne and then would kill each of the next generals in line to create a layer of safety for himself. Not long into his dynasty, new generals would emerge and the pattern would continue.

In A.D. 959 General Chao K’uang-yin ascended to the throne in a similar manner and became Emperor Sung. But that is where the similarities end. Not long after claiming the throne, he invited his most powerful commanders to a banquet. After much drinking and celebrating, the emperor dismissed the guards along with everyone else except for the military leaders. At this point, they were prepared to take their place in history as another group of murdered militants. But the emperor did something unexpected. He gathered them around and said, “The best way to pass one’s days is in peaceful enjoyment of riches and honor. If you are willing to give up your commands, I am ready to provide you with fine estates and beautiful dwellings where you may take your pleasure with singers.”

Years later as Emperor Sung continued to solidify his power he defeated King Liu of the Southern Han who had been an outspoken rebel and constant threat. After his victory, he issued Liu a rank in the imperial court and invited him to the palace for a celebratory feast. The emperor handed Liu a glass of wine which Liu feared contained poison. Liu said he was too afraid to drink it for fear of being poisoned at which Sung immediately took the glass from his hand and drank the entire glass. From that moment, Liu became one of his most trusted advisors.

Sometimes we need the gifts of our enemies to push us on and other times we just need them gone. When this is the case, find their self-interest and use it to turn them away from the dark side.