The best decision you'll ever make is one you only make once...
Why your future self needs your help today
Another 26.2 complete.
A few days ago, I finished another “meditation marathon.”
This one took me through a canyon in Utah and ended up being a completely different experience than my first attempt. The weather was perfect. The trail was beautiful. There were waterfalls along the way. It still hurt—but it was a lot more enjoyable.
The first time I did one of these, I had one rule:
No inputs.
No podcasts. No audiobooks. No music. No social media. No distractions.
This time I decided to add two more.
No inputs.
Keep moving.
Speed up every time you hit a downhill.
Three simple rules.
They ended up teaching me a lot more than the marathon itself.
Somewhere around mile 18 I found myself thinking about the role rules play in our lives.
Not rules for society.
Personal rules.
Why do they work so well?
What makes a good rule?
And what rules are already shaping my life—for better or worse?
I didn’t arrive at a definitive theory after six hours of running.
But I did leave more convinced of something I’ve written about before:
There’s ridiculous value in quieting everyone else’s voice long enough to hear your own.
Here’s where mine took me.
Why Have Rules?
I think there are two big reasons.
1. A rule is a decision your best self makes on behalf of your worst self.
This became obvious somewhere in the middle of the run.
There were moments I wanted to stop.
Moments I wanted to pull out my phone and turn on a podcast.
Without rules, I probably would have done both.
The same thing happens every night in my kitchen.
I’m a monster snacker.
Candy. Doritos. Ice cream. Soda.
Once the sun goes down, they just call for me.
So I made one simple rule:
No food after 7:00 p.m. on school nights.
Notice when that rule matters.
Not at 10:00 in the morning when I’m rested and thinking clearly.
At 9:00 at night when I’m tired, standing in front of the freezer, and every excuse sounds reasonable.
That version of me is a much worse decision-maker.
The rule isn’t for the person who created it.
It’s for the person who’s about to break it.
A rule is a decision your best self makes on behalf of your worst self.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized something else.
Everyone already lives by rules.
The question isn’t whether you have rules.
The question is whether you chose them.
2. Rules make life bigger, not smaller.
People sometimes think rules limit freedom. Well, at least my kids do.
I think the opposite.
Rules eliminate unnecessary decisions.
Dr. Seuss famously wrote Green Eggs and Ham using only 50 different words.
That constraint didn’t limit his creativity.
It focused it.
The same thing happens in everyday life.
Because I’ve already decided I don’t eat after 7:00 p.m., I don’t spend every evening negotiating with myself.
Should I?
Shouldn’t I?
I’ve worked out today...
I’ll start over tomorrow...
Maybe just one bowl...
The rule answers the question before it ever gets asked.
And suddenly all of that mental energy is available for something that actually matters.
Rules don’t add discipline to your life.
They subtract friction from it.
You decide once.
You protect yourself later.
You stop fighting the same battle every day.
What Makes a Good Rule?
As I kept running, I started wondering why some rules stick while others disappear after a week.
Here are a few patterns I’ve noticed.
Good rules are behavioral.
They tell you what to do in concrete terms—not based on a feeling.
“Speed up on every downhill.”
Not... “speed up when you feel good.”
Good rules are obvious.
You either followed the rule or you didn’t.
There’s very little room for interpretation.
Good rules are attached to a cue.
When the clock hits 7:00...
When the trail turns downhill...
When you wake up...
The cue makes the behavior automatic.
Good rules are self-authored.
There’s something powerful about choosing your own standards instead of borrowing someone else’s.
Good rules are created in moments of strength.
The hungry, tired, frustrated version of me shouldn’t be designing my life.
I want the strongest version of myself making those decisions ahead of time.
A Few Rules Worth Borrowing
Jordan Peterson:
“Tell the truth—or at least don’t lie.”
Andrew Huberman:
“Go outside the moment you wake up.”
James Clear:
“Never miss twice.”
Gretchen Rubin:
“If a task takes less than one minute, do it now.”
Simple.
Behavioral.
Easy to measure.
Easy to remember.
I’ve realized I don’t actually want dozens of personal rules.
I just want a handful of really good ones.
The three rules I followed during that marathon only lasted six hours.
But they reminded me how much our lives are shaped by the decisions we make before the difficult moments arrive.
So now I want to know…
What’s one personal rule that’s made a meaningful difference in your life?
Keep Asking,
Kyle
Read this on a Sunday morning away from home. Finding a church meeting to drag my family to ended up being a lot harder than usual, and a couple kids complained about staying for two hours and not knowing anyone. But the rule is we go to church on Sunday. Happy for that rule today!