What's in your user guide?

How to Help Others Work (and Live) With You...

“What are your blind spots? What are you working on? What can others help you with?

I overemphasize the positive traits in others, which sometimes blinds me to the problems others spot more readily. I need to give more direct and concrete feedback (positive/constructive). I also overextend myself, which leads to lower-quality work across a wider range of projects. This is one I’ve struggled with for years—I trade quality at times for quantity. I would love for someone to call me on it in certain moments.”

This is a direct quote from my “user guide”—a simple, honest document that helps others understand how to work with me.

Last semester, our team engaged in an activity where each team member built a “user guide” highlighting the best way to work with them.

Imagine joining a new team, and on day one, everyone hands you a personalized guide detailing what they need, how they work best, and how to bring out the best in them.

Now, imagine having that same kind of guide for the closest people in your life.

Better yet, imagine creating one for yourself.

What’s in your user guide?

Ok, let’s start with why you should create a user guide in the first place—even if you never intend to give it to anyone.

For those of you who are new here, I work at Singapore American School, one of the largest and highest-achieving international schools in the world.

• Almost half of our graduating class has a 4.0 GPA or higher.

• 80% of our students score 4s or 5s on their AP exams.

• Our students take college-level courses like Post-Euclidean Geometry, Computational Modeling and Simulation, and Chinese Language History.

I’ve never worried about their academic success.

I do worry that they know more about the AP Style Guide, the periodic table, and multivariable equations than they do about themselves.

A user guide forces you to reflect on who you are, how you show up in the world, and what you need to thrive. Even if you try to be introspective, it’s hard to capture all the nuances of your personality, habits, and working style. But writing it down—as if you were explaining yourself to a stranger—pushes you to a level of self-awareness that few people ever reach.

Every high school senior should build a personal user guide before graduation. After 18 years of shaping a version of yourself, do you really know who that person is? And, maybe the harder question—do you like that person?

It’s probably important to note at this point that just because you write out a user guide at one period of your life, it doesn’t mean your user guide is stuck there forever. The hope is that your user guide is continually being updated as you continue to grow and evolve.

So…. how do you build a user guide?

Well, when we did it as a team, we used a series of questions similar to the ones below:

• What does success in this role look like to you?

• What’s your working style? (space, timing, etc.)

• What’s your communication style?

• What are some things you do that might annoy the rest of us?

• What typically causes any misunderstandings you’ve had in the past?

• What are some things about you that former colleagues have asked you to work on or change?

• What does it take to gain your trust? How would someone lose your trust and if they do, how can they regain it?

• What do you love to do and are good at?

• What do you need to be able to do your job well?

But what would it look like if you did this in your personal life as well?

• What are your biggest strengths, and how do they show up in your daily life?

• What are your biggest weaknesses or blind spots?

• What are your core values, and how do they influence your decisions?

• What triggers stress or frustration for you? How do you typically respond?

• How do you recharge when you’re feeling drained?

• How do you prefer to receive feedback (direct, gentle, written, etc.)?

• How do you typically express appreciation for others?

• What do you need in a friendship or relationship to feel secure and valued?

• What’s the best way for someone to support you when you’re struggling?

• What are common misunderstandings people have about you?

• What habits or quirks do you have that others should be aware of?

• How do you handle conflict, and what’s the best way to approach a disagreement with you?

• What motivates you to take action and be at your best?

• How do you like to spend your free time, and what brings you the most joy?

• What boundaries are important for you to maintain in your personal and professional life?

Building a user guide will give you a clearer sense of self—which might even push you to make changes in your life.

Sharing it with others gives them an invaluable shortcut to understanding you—helping them connect with you more intentionally and effectively.

So, take the time. Sit with these questions. Reflect. Write them down.

It’s an investment in yourself that will pay off for years to come.

What other questions would you add to this list? What do you think would be most valuable to know about yourself?

Keep Asking,

Kyle