2025: A Year of Becoming

What Do You Really Want? Here’s How to Find Out...

According to Statista, the top five resolutions for 2025 are:

• save more money

• eat healthier

• exercise more

• lose weight

• spend more time with family/friends

Why?

Why do people want these things?

Why do we want these things?

We are chasing feelings.

Last year I shared a conversation I had with a friend who said, “I just want to be happy.”

Maybe you’ve heard that before or maybe you’ve said that before. THAT’S what we’re all trying to do—grab more of some very specific feelings.

Those resolutions above? Those aren’t actually the end goals being pursued.

Let’s be more honest in our pursuits and by doing so, give ourselves a better chance of actually creating the long-term change we’re looking for.

This week, we’re using four questions that will help us understand what we really want and how to actually get there.

How do you want to feel?

We mostly pay attention to tangible outcomes—money, appearance, status. It makes sense because it’s easy to manage things that can be easily measured. The trouble is that they tell an incomplete story.

None of these tangible outcomes are what we’re actually seeking.

We’re all chasing feelings.

Take money, for example.

Why do people want money?

• Money makes some people feel powerful.

• Money makes some people feel free.

• Money makes some people feel secure.

• Money makes some people feel superior.

• Money makes some people feel accomplished.

For most people, the reality is that you’re seeking a unique combination of feelings. For me, money is most closely linked with security and freedom with a smaller layer of accomplishment mixed in. For someone else, it might be superiority and power. It might feel good to walk into a room and know you have more wealth than everyone else in the room.

Ok, so why does any of this even matter?

Once you identify the feelings you’re chasing, you can broaden your perspective. Money might not be the only—or even the best—way to feel powerful or secure. Maybe stepping into a leadership role at work would deliver more of what you truly want. There are countless roads to the feelings we crave.

Some of you will not want to answer this question.

It’s uncomfortable.

And most new year goal planning articles and books I’ve read never include anything about this. They often start by talking about developing the right systems.

But if feelings is what we’re seeking then feelings is exactly where you need to start. Once you’ve got a solid list, we’ll move to the next question.

Who do you want to become?

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is a “must-ask” question every year. You need to remind yourself of who you are trying to become to ensure you don’t lose sight along the way.

Over the years I’ve watched the fates of my Harvard Business School classmates from 1979 unfold; I’ve seen more and more of them come to reunions unhappy, divorced, and alienated from their children. I can guarantee you that not a single one of them graduated with the deliberate strategy of getting divorced and raising children who would become estranged from them. And yet a shocking number of them implemented that strategy. The reason? They didn’t keep the purpose of their lives front and center as they decided how to spend their time, talents, and energy.

Clayton Christensen, How Will You Measure Your Life?

If this question feels too big to tackle, try this short exercise first:

1. Think of 3-5 people who you really admire. Maybe you know them, maybe they’ve passed away, or maybe they were never real to begin with. It doesn’t matter. Write the names down on a sheet of paper.

2. Next, write down what you admire most about each of them. (It doesn’t matter what you wrote down. Your list might even contain some things that seem contradictory at first.)

3. Pick the 3-5 qualities that resonate most deeply with you.

What do you notice about these attributes?

What are their similarities/differences?

How do they possibly connect with one another?

This list now contains the best attribute of the best people in your life. You chose these people and these attributes because they represent an idealized version of yourself. Remember, I didn’t ask you to list people you liked or loved, I specifically asked for people you “admire.” The line between admiration and envy is thin. And for the purposes of our conversation right now, that’s a good thing. It means these are attributes you likely want to see in yourself as well.

This is where things get fun. Take your list of feelings and take your list of who you’re trying to become and now look for the connections.

What do people like that do?

Now that you know who you’re trying to become, you need to understand what “those types of people” do.

For example, if you want to be athletic, you need to write down a list of statements that tangibly demonstrate what being athletic looks like to you. These statements could look something like this:

• lift weights five days a week

• do not eat processed foods

• get seven hours of sleep

You can use sentence stems like these based on the identity you’re trying to develop in yourself. My sentence stems look like this:

Athletic people _______________.

Learners __________________.

Generous people ________________.

Connected people _________________.

Disciplined people _________________.

By now, you have a list of the feelings you want to experience more this year, a list of attributes that represent the type of person you’re trying to become, and a list of very specific things that “those” type of people do.

Now, our very last question…

What’s the smallest first step you can take in these areas?

You need the absolute smallest when you’re first starting out. I wrote down that athletes don’t eat processed food. One of the first smallest steps I could take would be to choose one meal a week where I eat no processed foods at all—that’s it, just one meal.

Decide the type of person you want to be.

Prove it to yourself with small wins.

James Clear, Atomic Habits

That’s our goal this year—collect small wins that prove we’re becoming the type of person we want to become SO that we can experience more of the feelings we want to experience.

Read that last sentence again.

That’s it, that’s the story of life. You either do that intentionally or you let others, your environment, and knee-jerk reactions move you wherever they want while you wonder why you’re not experiencing more of the feelings you truly want.

Be intentional.

Keep Asking,

Kyle