Who do you need to be in this moment?

Flying into Singapore requires you to clear a few hurdles with exactness.

These hurdles begin before you even leave Singapore in the first place. We began to make our way through the hurdles back in November. One of those hurdles is a negative Covid-19 test before departure. This makes sense and is easy enough to accomplish. We all tested negative on the morning of our return flight to Singapore. We flew to LAX in the evening, and then went to check in for our vaccinated travel lane flight (the only flight you can take in order to avoid a quarantine period on arrival). 

Immediately after looking at our test results, we were told our tests weren’t valid for two reasons:

• our names were handwritten on the original documents

• instead of saying the word ‘negative’ the clinic had only put a ‘—’ sign to denote the results were negative

Then we were told we would need to leave the airport to find a local testing place to be retested which would cause us to miss the flight and require us to spend the night in LA.

I pulled up the government’s travel website and showed him the list of requirements for a valid test which at the time did not include the need for typed results or the word ‘negative.’

He pulled up a recent press announcement that showed handwritten results would not be accepted.

We were both right—kind of.

Normally, at this point I would accept the cards I’ve been dealt and would work to make the best of the situation. Find a fun place to eat, reach out to friends in the area, and try to make the most of a bum situation.

Instead, a question popped into my mind—who do you need to be in this moment?

The answer? Not Kyle.

Well, at least not the default version of Kyle who tries to put a positive spin on a tough situation. No, as I looked at my family, I realized I needed to access a different part of me. 

And thus began a 1.5 hour standoff.

We weren’t leaving.

He wasn’t budging.

Eleanor fell asleep on the floor. 

Will began screaming and running. 

Amelia realized what was going on and was now crying because it looked like we wouldn’t be getting on a plane.

He called a government agency in Singapore to request support.. 

I tried connecting with the clinic in Texas to request new copies of the documents that were typed and explicitly said the word ‘negative’ but they were closed.

Finally, I told him I’d have my parents visit the clinic to request the docs in the morning and have them sent while we were enroute.

He then offered a waiver that stated we would not hold the airline accountable if we were denied entrance to the country.

I signed.

We arrived at the gate just in time to walk right on.

Our revised documents arrived enroute as planned.

We arrived in Singapore and everything worked out great.

I’ve been thinking this week about that question that came up during this exchange—who do you need to be in this moment?

Balancing partners

Have you ever been in a situation where others were freaking out or spiraling downward and you just knew you had to be calm in order to balance out the situation? You may have also wanted to freak out but you didn’t because you knew what the moment needed.

One of the things I love about my wife is that she reads these situations well in our relationship. I have been engaging in the practice of the mid-life crisis at least once a year since we were married. She knows it when she sees it and as I spiral downward questioning whether I’ve made any meaningful contributions in my life she is completely unflustered. Like the time I wanted to sell everything and move to the forest to garden and host a YouTube channel—it didn’t even phase her. She never gets caught up in the emotion of it all. Instead she’s happy to talk and listen and be a calming presence because that’s what the moment needs. 

On the flip side, when she has moments of doubt or fear, I love being able to return the favor.

We become incredibly valuable partners, colleagues, and friends when we are able to adapt ourselves to be the person the moment needs.

Courage of a lion

What comes to mind when you think of Rosa Parks?

“I had always imagined Rosa Parks as a stately woman with a bold temperament, someone who could easily stand up to a busload of glowering passengers. But when she died in 2005 at the age of 92, the flood of obituaries recalled her as soft-spoken, sweet, and small in stature. They said she was ‘timid and shy’ but had ‘the courage of a lion.’ They were full of phrases like ‘radical humility’ and ‘quiet fortitude.’ (Susan Cain, Quiet)

The comparison to a lion is powerful. Lions can sleep up to 20 hours a day. If you saw one in the wild, you would likely see it laying down—not hunting, not dramatically walking to the top of pride rock, not roaring fiercely. 

Just sleeping.

But the reputation of a lion is one of courage and bravery because when a lion needs to access that part of them, it is there and it is powerful. A lion can call upon that part of itself anytime the situation calls for it. 

Rosa Parks may have been described as soft-spoken, sweet, timid, and shy—but inside her was something else, a piece that could be called on when the moment was right. 

You and I have many pieces to who we are—like diamonds with facets that shine light in a variety of places. Some of these facets are more prominent and easily seen while others require you to hold them at just the right angle to see their beauty and power. We must learn to access these facets in the right moment.

Contradictions

Think about who you are. You are a vast collection of various versions of yourself. These together make you as a whole but each element can be explored and developed as well. You might be both introverted and extroverted which appear contradictory. You may default to being an introvert because it’s comfortable and where you like to be, but it’s important to also learn when you are capable of being extroverted and how to access that side of you and what it feels like and looks like. 

I like order. I like to follow plans and calendars. Being late is the worst.

But what happens when plans change? What happens when there is an emergency? I need to access the version of myself who knows how to embrace the chaos and adapt. 

You can be many things at once and we should learn to embrace the seeming contradictions within ourselves.